I did have a completely different post planned out for this evening, however I have had a complete doozer of a day today and so it inspired me in a different direction. I should have known as soon as I walked into the living room and found that the fluffball had emptied both her bowels and bladder all over my clean floor, that today was going to go sideways! But instead I carried on my morning in my eternal state of ‘oh well’, and then the day went south, quickly. With twenty minutes to go before my youngest had to leave for school, he had the biggest ‘melt down’ that any of my kids has had in about six years, and that’s saying something considering he’s not even the autistic one! But needless to say my neighbours heard a very heated exchange of words and by the time we finally reached school both he and I were in tears and his poor teacher had to calm us both down. And to be honest, it just set the tone for the entire day, but now I’m sat here in my pj’s with a cup of coffee I can now look back at the day thinking ‘how the bloody hell did we all come out unscathed from the day?’ and I feel a whole new wave of mum guilt, of wondering how I could have handled situations from the day better, how have I survived another day of life’s challenges and how after all that has happened and feeling about the most exhausted I have felt since my children were babies, I could possibly still be feeling positive about where life is headed for my little crew and I. 

 

But the truth be told, it’s because sat in the relative peace of my now clean living room, I can see the clearer picture, I can see that the reason I got cross with number 4 is because I love him so deeply and I want him to be happy and safe but also I want him to grow up knowing the boundaries he has are to ensure he grows into the respectable young man that both of his older brothers are becoming and the wonderful soul that his sister is also becoming. I also see that he in return got cross with me because sometimes life seems unfair to him, and I am his safety net and he feels safe enough with me to be able to vent at his frustration. I also know that these bad days come along from time to time to help us appreciate the good ones, and to teach us valuable lessons, and boy have I learned some lessons today, they are here to test our patients so that in times when they truly need to be held together, we know that they’re strong enough to see us through the toughest of situations. As for the pooches presents for me this morning, I’m pretty sure that is purely for her entertainment as she sees me scrubbing and cleaning and muttering under my breath.

Now obviously in the moment, I’m not this rational, calm or collected, my neighbours and children will be testament to this, but hindsight is a beautiful thing, and so is time, so it is easy to sit here and reflect on everything now. What I want to know is how do you cope, or how do you vent or even who do you vent to? As most of you lovely people know, I am of course on this parenting journey alone, so come the end of the day I don’t have someone at home to take over the realms or have a bit of  moan too, although my wonderful mum is always at the end of the phone if things are super rubbish. For me though, I find the best therapy is a good walk, usually my walk home from work is long enough for me to digest things, help me see things is a greater perspective again, and then an hours peace and quiet in the evening, be it just in the sanctity of my bedroom or a long soak in the bath, it helps give me the clarity I need to get back into the right headzone again and see that things aren’t that bad, it really is just a one-off bad day, that tomorrow is a new day and it will be a better one. So how do you deal with a bad day? What’s your ‘therapy’? Whatever it is, I hope you’re able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Much love. xx

If you follow me on social media, you’ll know that my children and I have been baking all day today, and I mean all day! Now first and foremost, this is because my children have a bottomless pit within their bodies, but a very close second is because I love to bake, which is a love I have passed onto my little crew, and we frequently love to have ‘baking days’ at the weekends and throughout the school holidays! These baking days become more frequent and more passionate the closer to Christmas that we get, at this time of year there are so many things to bake for, we like to make toffee apples for Halloween, November is full of birthdays, so there is always an occasion for cake, and then Christmas, well there is an endless choice of goodies to be made for the season of goodwill! We particularly like to make Christmas biscuits for the local service men and women around this time, after all, what better time to show your appreciation for the bin men/women and the post men/women than at the most wonderful time of the year!

As soon as my children were able to stand up on their little legs, I have encouraged them to bake and have shown them how to measure ingredients and mix them appropriately, and when they were old enough, how to use the oven safely. I have always loved to bake even as a little girl, and this passion was passed down to me from my own mum and grandparents, and now in turn, I have passed this down to the next generation in hope they will continue to pass it down through the generations to come. Most of my children can now confidently use the oven and can even bake a basic cake without following a recipe book, and for me this is a crucial life skill for them, so many children now a days do not know the first thing about even cooking a meal, let alone baking a lovely dessert, and these are basic skills, that going into teenage/adult years, they really should know. I know that time is sparse for most families now, both parents working is mostly essential to keep on top of everything in today’s world, and this makes it harder to teach our children the things that were taught to us as kids, but it is not up to schools and other professionals to teach our kids these skills, it is our responsibility to teach our children the basic life skills to get by as adults, otherwise what are we creating?!

So next time you find yourself with a spare afternoon, especially with the colder months fast approaching, get those kitchen scales out and weigh out some ingredients and show your children the difference between lb’s, oz’s & grams, show them the different heat levels on the cooker and more importantly have fun with them in the kitchen with them. They re children for only a short time, make those precious memories whilst you can, life moves far quicker than we realise.

Much love. xx 

As most of you know, this past month I have started a new job. I cannot tell you how nervous I was when I went for my interview, I hadn’t been to a job interview in over five years, and this was conducted by not one but two people, fortunately for me they were both absolutely lovely and really helped put me at ease, which made the process a little less painful, and I did come away feeling quite positive about the whole experience. And clearly I must have done something right as I was lucky enough to be offered the job. Now to be offered a new job is always an achievement and something to be celebrated, but for me I was super proud of myself as I don’t have any experience in a professional setting with the nature of my new job, however I do have a lot of personal experience in certain aspects needed for the role that I am now undertaking, so walking in on my first day was quite daunting to say the least, but also exciting to be starting over new on my career path.

With all this said, it got me to thinking, are we ever too old to start over? I don’t just mean in a work sense of the question, but in any walk of life, even to literally up sticks and start over in a completely new location. Now obviously I haven’t moved areas or anything quite like that, although at some point in a few years it is something I would love to do and is a big part of my vision board, but I definitely don’t see myself being put off such a bold move because I’m getting on in years, if anything I think as we get older we should be braver of our pursuit of happiness, after all tomorrow is never promised and we shouldn’t see the risk of change as a reason not to do something, age is just a number and should never dictate your capabilities. But my new job has really given me a new appreciation and rejuvenation for where my life is heading, and I feel super happy and blessed for where I am right now. I have started to think about the potentials of how I could further improve myself  in the work setting, and what other things I would like to achieve, in work and also in all other aspects of my life now. And I really, truly believe the only thing that stops you pursuing the changes you want to make in your life, is you! If you have a burning desire to do something, whether that be moving house, moving to an area you’ve fallen in love with, learning a new trade/career path, education, losing/gaining weight, starting a family, marriage, divorce, absolutely anything, the only person that can make these changes is you, so be brave, step out of your comfort zone and take that risk. Your happy life is only a choice away.

Much love. xx

I’m proud as punch of my youngest little crew member this week, he’s been on his year 6 residential all week and returned on Friday evening absolutely full of stories of his adventures. My heart has swelled listening to how he has combated some of the things he was really worried about having to take part in, how he got butterflies in his tummy when it was his turn to have a go at some of the activities, and that with the encouragement of his classmates and a little bit of bravery, he overcame his jitters and tackled the task at hand and succeeded. Seeing his little face light up as he retold me about how the climbed, caved, bodyboarded, walked and shared so many memories in the making with his friends and teachers, it was just heartwarming. And of course, I just couldn’t wait to give him the biggest cuddle I possibly could, I missed that little monkey, oh I cannot tell you how much, even his incessant chatter, and by the strength of the returned hug, I know just how much he missed me too. 

As amazing as these residentials are for our children, and they really are, I can’t tell you how much independence they gain from them, but they always bring home just how much I am going to fall apart as my children all grow older and start moving on with their lives. Now I know that as long as I am around on this big old planet, they will always make time for me, well I would like to think so anyway, I know that things are never guaranteed, but over the last eighteen years, I have lived, breathed and well survived for my little crew, and this past week especially, I have felt almost redundant at times. So it has raised the question, What happens next? I have finally started to realise that now the children are growing older, I must start to find interests of my own, and this is not something I thought I would see again, especially since being a single parent! But now I see that for my own sanity, I must, and in all honesty, I don’t even know where to begin, it’s been so long since what I was interested in was even something to think about, that it’s almost like starting from scratch.

Now I have been working on my growth as a person quite a bit this year, and over this past week in particular I’ve given thought to my interests and possible adventures and ventures that I like and could task myself to in the future, both close and distant. I’m not quite there yet, but I have started to finally get my head around the fact that my own time is going to be growing in volume over the coming years, and I need to accept that I am not going to have my little family around me 24/7 forever. I am eternally grateful for this blog and my social media accounts for giving me something to focus on, but I also realise that it only occupies a certain amount of my time, but I am hopeful that if it grows in success then it will potentially open new doors for me, and I have great plans that I want to achieve in a few years when the opportunity arises. For now, I am enjoying the times that my children do want to spend with me, starting to enjoy my own company, accepting that it is ok to take cinema trips on your own, taking yourself for a drink, walk, coffee etc, and just making plans. After all tomorrow is not promised, so I am still enjoying each moment as it comes, and the freedom of accepting my attitude changes. So for all the mums/dads/carers out there that think life doesn’t ever move from the current situation, it really does, appreciate what you have now but also what is still to come. Life is a gift to be cherished.

Much love. xx

A month or so ago, I watched a couple of  vlogs on YouTube created by vloggers that I regularly watch, and they left me feeling super inspired, both vlogs were of them creating their vision boards. It was fascinating to watch them create something that was so meaningful to them and to hear them describe what each part of the board represented and meant to them. I’d been aware of the phrase ‘vision board’, but I always associated them with something that you find in a board room, offices or business settings, it had never really dawned on me that this is something that you can personalise to your life and where you see yourself in a years or more time. 

With my eyes opened to the idea of creating my very own vision board, I set out to acquire all of the materials that I need to get started. Now magazines is not something I tend to buy as I generally don’t have the time to sit and read them, but as this was a project that I am quite passionate about, I treated myself to a small bundle of beautiful mags, don’t fear though, they have now been well-loved and read, and well, chopped up now too! A beautiful pin board that was very kindly given to me by a lovely friend, some pretty pins, and some fairy lights, and that was it, I was all set to go! 

Now I had a preconceived idea of the pictures I was looking for, however I soon realised that all the picture I have in my head are not going to be magically appear exactly as I see them in the small selection of magazines that I selected from the shop. So I had to be imaginative and a little more open-minded, just because the images in my head aren’t actually on my board, doesn’t mean I can’t represent my visions with another picture. And with that and a couple of weeks of snipping, rearranging, and pinning, my pretty vision board was completed. I won’t go into too much detail about all of the images and what each one represents, but I will say that my vision board isn’t an annual one like most people appear to create, it’s more where I would like to see my life in the short and long term. 

I am super pleased with the end product, and it is pride of place in my living room, and I am totally in love with it. Here’s hoping I can achieve all that I see on my board!

Much love. xx

This week has been a whole host of different feels and emotions, I have had the most amazing first week in my new job. I’ve met so many amazing people, started to make some lovely new friends, I’ve learned so much, at points I thought my brain might combust, I’ve rushed about like a headless chicken and felt massively out of my depth too, but I know that these are all normal feelings on starting a new job. On top of all this excitement, part of my little crew have returned to school this week, and these are huge years for them all, year 11, year 9 and year 6, so we’ve got all the emotions of  the last year of school, choosing options and finishing primary school, so we’ve been feeling all manner of mixed up emotions, I genuinely am not ready for all of these new stages that they’re starting out on this month! But on reflection of this past couple of weeks, there is one feeling that is coming out on top of them all, and that is happiness!

I’ve been working really hard over the last few weeks to change the way I look at life and view situations happening to me and my life! As I’ve explained before, life is what you make of it, but I’ve learned that it is easy to say that, and even to maybe pass off that that’s how you live your life, but actually it is entirely different to actually live your life by that mantra! So I’ve been trying super hard to actually turn things around and view things with a different perspective, I can’t say that it’s an easy process and it is going to take a while to actually see the results daily and to view everything in the same light, but whilst a slow process, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I am happy that I am just starting to feel the benefits of my change in mindset, feeling happy just makes the days flow easier, it changes the whole dynamics within your household. Even with all the different emotions flowing through my little family this week, my children will point out one thing above everything else, Fun and happy mum is back in the building! 

Now I know some of you may be thinking, well that’s all good and well but I don’t know how I’m going to put food on the table next week, or I am at rock bottom, how can I possibly act as though everything is going to be ok. Believe me, I know how this feels, I have situations going on in my own life that I just don’t know how they’re going to pan out, I too am on a tight budget for food this week, but I am starting to understand that unduly stressing about these factors, is making me miserable, which in turn is making my children miserable, ultimately making for a very grumpy household. These problems obviously aren’t going anywhere, Jeez wouldn’t that be amazing if tomorrow I woke up and just like that I had silly amounts of money in my account and an amazing holiday booked for half term! Sadly and more realistically this just won’t happen, now I could stress about it, ponder for hours about the consequences, however my poor kids just end up with a snappy mum and I feel just horrendous that I can’t control the situation, and I’m not being the best mum I can be. Instead, I’ve controlled the things I can, I’ve made the best of the budget I have available to me and I will take whatever life throws at me as it comes this week. There is nothing positive to be gained from stressing about the uncontrollable, it makes me feel sick, it makes me feel grumpy and it makes me feel like I am failing at being the best mum I can be, and I know that no situation in the world should be making me feel like this, or my children. 

Which leads me back to our mantra, ‘Life is what you make of it’, and I am tired of other people determining how I should or should not feel because of decisions that they’ve made and I have no control over. As I said, I know it’s not always that easy, and for those of you that do not personally know me, I have genuinely been through situations that have left me at rock bottom, but with a little more training, I know that I can retrain myself to never let a situation control my happiness again. The one thing I would love anyone that has read this post to take from it, is please always be kind to yourself, we really do only get one life, I know it’s such a cliché, but please don’t spend it being unhappy for things we cannot control.

Much love. xx

It’s finally here, whether you’ve been looking forward to this for weeks or feeling super sad that it’s drawing to an end for another year, the summer holidays are done and dusted, it’s all back to normal and school is upon us again. I for one, am really sad that the children go back this week, although I cannot lie, part of me is pleased to have the routine back in our lives again, it makes life slightly easier with son number 2, as much as school isn’t his favourite place, the day to day routine of term time makes life a little easier all around. But the early starts, packed lunches, homework, and of course all of the extortionate back to school supplies (seriously who prices these shoes up?!), make it even sadder that I don’t get to spend as much time with my little crew.

Of course, the silver lining to the end of the summer holidays is that my absolutely favourite time of year is upon us! I mean, what is not to love about Autumn, annual fun fairs, Halloween, Bonfire night, chilly & dark evenings, cosier clothes, leaves changing colour and falling off the trees,  and of course, the build up to Christmas, and anyone who knows me, knows just how much I love Christmas! I am an autumn baby, so naturally it’s my favourite time of year, and this year the September term is even more exciting in our house, as I start my new job tomorrow, and I cannot tell you how excited about this new path in my life journey, it’s not something I’ve never done before, so will certainly be challenging for me, but I’m definitely ready for this change and to make my children proud of their mamma. 

Everything about the coming few months just fills me with pure joy, I can’t explain it, but most people have a favourite time of the year, and I’m hoping that you’ll understand this feeling, where most find the nights drawing in a little depressing, you bet your bottom dollar that come October I will be snuggling up in my oversized winter pj’s, under a blanket on my sofa with a hot chocolate and probably watching Christmas movies, yes I am that person! Come Halloween we will share sweeties and watch Hocus Pocus, hopefully come Guy Fawkes we will wrap up warm and hug a mug of chocolate around a bonfire whilst watching the fireworks. Then we have pretty much a whole month of birthdays throughout November, including a rather big one for myself this year, yeah I know 21 is no age! And then my most favourite time of all, yep Christmas, ok I know technically it is in Winter, but it is so close to Autumn, I throw it all in together. As I said at the beginning, there really is nothing not to love about the next few months, I know a few find my enthusiasm a little irritating, but I like to think of it as infectious fun, and this is who I am, so I make no apologies for my excitability. 

However you’re feeling about the back to school business this week, I hope you’ve had the best summer holidays and made some fantastic memories to cherish.

Much Love. xx

I wanted to make this post a little more fun than the previous couple, and what better way to make you smile than to take a journey back to your childhood/teenage decades! I recently watched Stranger things literally back to back (Can we just take a minute to appreciate the awesomeness of this series, well-played Netflix!), and it evoked so many memories and nostalgia for all things eighties and from my childhood. I mean the eighties just produced so many iconic things, soft rock music, neon clothing, the leg warmer, the best movies, errr haircuts! I could go on forever, and the lifestyle back then, well you’d never get away with sitting your kids in the boot of your car now! I absolutely loved having my childhood in the eighties and genuinely feel sad for todays kids that they will never understand or experience some of the things that we did, Jeez they’re not even allowed to play conkers or british bulldog anymore thanks to bloody ‘health and safety’! I try my best to keep my kids educated on as much as I can, it would be a parenting crime to have not introduced them to ‘The Goonies’ or ‘ET’, but it does make me feel sad when I see them watching YouTube and they laugh at the nostalgic 80’s stuff videos, and they’ll never know how awesome a decade it truly was.

But for me, the 90’s was my decade, it saw me go from a child, to a teenager, to an adult, much quicker than I was happy about. Watching my own children going through this period of their lives now, I can’t help but wonder whether they will have the same fond memories of the decade that they were teenagers through as I do. The 90’s will always hold dear in my heart, it brought us platform shoes (around again), the tamagotchi, mobile phones, Saved by the bell, it made Parker jackets cool again (well Oasis did), rivalries through pop acts, remember you could only be a Take That fan or an East 17 fan, it was unforgivable to like both of them! It brought us Aladdin and The Lion King, The Gameboy and the SNES, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Friends and Shaggy! What is not to love about this era?!  For me, the 90’s started with me starting secondary school and I remember vividly in my first year going to see Robin Hood Prince of thieves, and this film started a three year obsession with Christian Slater, my poor mum had to endure watching this film more times than is socially acceptable, and started my ten year ‘poster’ phase, I’m sure there is probably still blu tack stains on the walls of my old bedroom! Of course, the Take That posters soon followed those of Christian Slater, and I’m pretty sure at one point there probably was not a single piece of actual wall showing through them all being stuck up, and of course then followed the concerts, it’s only now as a mum myself and having had to endure a ‘One direction’ concert with my own daughter, that I can fully appreciate the sacrifices my mum had to make for me to attend these concerts, mostly the lack of being able to hear for a week after from all of the screaming! 

The 90’s continued the great fashion faux par’s of the eighties too! Double denim, united colours of benetton jumpers, brightly coloured mismatching outfits, all manner of  unique hats, checked shirts with, well just about anything! Oh heck, some of the things we wore, and we genuinely thought we were completely on trend! And as I’ve touched on, the music too! Clearly I was a huge Take That fan but the nineties also brought us The Backstreet Boys, Mariah Carey, Boyzone, Hanson, Aqua, Blur, Oasis and who could forget Boyz II Men! Vast amounts of 90’s music helped get me through the trials and tribulations of being a teenager, and I listen back to them now, and it genuinely takes me right back to that teenage angst period. I just love all things nineties, and for me will always be the decade that remains my favourite and will stay in my heart. 

So tell me, which is your best decade? Are your teenage years your favourite years and memories to reminisce over?  Our memories are partly what have made us, so keep smiling when you think back over the years, you are the person you are today because of them. 

On a side note, watch Stranger Things, you won’t regret it!

Much Love. xx

Let me start this post by just congratulating everyone that has collected exam results over the last fortnight, each and every one of you are absolutely amazing, and should applaud yourself hugely, it’s not an easy time but you’ve survived and it’s time for a fresh start, I hope you enjoy what’s left of the summer holidays before the next part of your journey.

I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I hate the education system here in the UK, I think it’s hugely outdated and really out of touch with today’s youth. As you all know, I have four children and each of them are at completely different levels when it’s comes to being academic, and since having my children it has only emphasised my point that education should be entirely based by the individual child, as the old saying goes ‘You cannot fit a square peg into a circle hole’. Sadly the government still feel it fit to educate children with the attitude that one size fits all, my children are living proof that this is truly not the case. I just wonder how long they can turn a blind eye and ignore the facts that are there for them to see so blatantly, unfortunately it won’t be within the schooling years of my little crew. 

It fills me with such sadness to see children struggling throughout their schooling, and to see the suicide rate rise year on year, obviously I am clearly aware that academic stress is not the sole or main reason for this figure, but it cannot be denied that exam pressure has it’s part to blame in this growing number. And for what? So the government and schools can give themselves a pat on the back for how high children have graded and what a good job they’ve done. Now obviously I know that many teachers would love nothing more than to go back to basics and to genuinely help children whilst they’re at school, but due to red tape, OFSTED and the suffocating curriculum, they have their hands tied. 

Every child is completely different, and as parents we tell our children to embrace their individuality, and that we are eternally proud of them whatever. And then they enter the education system where they are tested and judged from the get go, and told how they should be performing to meet the required grade! As a mum to children with varying academic levels, I have seen first hand how this affects children on an individual and personal level. From special needs, where they’re constantly feeling they’re different from their peers because they’re not doing the same work or they’re taken out of the classroom to spend much of the time doing separate work as they just cannot complete the work that their friends are doing. To the opposite end of the spectrum, where they’re so bright and can complete most of the work to achieve high marks with relative ease, but then know that pressure is on to not get it wrong, when they see not getting a certain mark as a failure. As mum, it is a heartbreaking journey to watch your child go through, when all you want is for them to enjoy being a kid and having no responsibilities.

I would love to think that at some point the government will start to see and understand and make the changes that are so desperately needed, however as I have already said, it won’t happen in my children’s schooling years, I can only hope for future generations that a massive overhaul is made and that eventually they will start to realise that you will have happier, healthier children who do not spend their adulthood recovering from a failing education system. For those that have just recently collected their results, these grades do not define you, what defines you is your attitude to the future, you are not a bunch of numbers or letters on a piece of paper, you are a potential world changer, go out there and prove the government that they won’t dictate your life for you.

Much love. xx

This week I’ve found myself doubting lots of things in my life, and questioning decisions I’ve made recently and in the past, wondering whether I could have steered differently at times, given people a chance when I didn’t, not given people the chance when they didn’t deserve it, you name it, I’ve probably given it thought this week. This is of course completely normal, as humans, especially in this day in age, it’s only natural to ponder lifes offerings, but I do know, friends and family have told me in the past that I do over think things, and I know that I extremely guilty of this at times. Fortunately something else I have mastered over the years is the ability to stop and take stock of my life, realising how very far I have come, especially over the last ten years, and how strong I am now.

I think we all have the potential to sink into a melancholy of just what might have been, how different life could have been if we’d stayed on a certain path, or if we’d chosen another way, but the important thing to always remember is that life has a way of giving us exactly what we need at exactly the right time, and whatever is thrown at us is done so to show us just how strong we as individuals are. Don’t get me wrong, having the right circle of people in our lives definitely helps us get through the tough times and helps us celebrate the good, but when all said and done, it’s only you living it, and smashing whatever the situation is. Looking back, I have been so fortunate to have the very best people to help me stay positive when things were hard, and they were also there to help me celebrate when it was over, but I can now recognise that it was me that made the tough decisions, it was me that stood up for what was right, I’m the one that made sure my children all felt safe and loved in our little environment at home each day. And I can confidently now say, ‘I did that, I am a survivor’, and my life is so so much more positive now, and I am proud of who I am and how I have grown as a person and the role model I am to my beautiful children.

People say that you shouldn’t let your story and past define you, well I say why not, my story definitely defines who I am as a person, because I chose to be a different, stronger & better person because of it, which in turn means my children are stronger human beings because of the example I lead. So in weeks like this one, I remind myself  of just where I have come from, what my life was like 10/15 years ago, and how grateful  I am for everything that has happened to me and the lessons it has taught me. Reminding myself helps keep me grounded, that just because something didn’t turn out how I had hoped, or because I didn’t end up in that relationship, it isn’t the end of the world, and that it just wasn’t meant to be. We can only move forwards in life, living in the past isn’t healthy, but equally it’s important to remember where you’ve been, after all, it has shown us what we are capable of, and what we can achieve. 

So please do me a favour the next time you’re feeling like you should have made a different choice, not feeling that you are where you should be in life, repeat the mantra ‘I am strong, I am kick ass, and I am smashing my life’. You are awesome, and your life is testament to that. Always be kind to yourself!

Much love. xx